HA.....

Ok so the title....that's what i forgot....basically i figured i could now lay everything on the table, anything i've ever wanted to say, things i shouldn't say, things people asked me not to say, my thoughts and opinions which are just fucked up, but this would be the ultimate in unloading of anything i've ever had, so this will upset and piss a lot of people off, and maybe that's the intent.....


yeah well the backroom team last night knows that i'm not in my "normal" "happy happy" mood, they see it, and they want it to let it be, bu out of kindness they ask if anything is wrong, once i give them a blow off answer, their satisfied for having asked, and now they can continue about their ways..it's a nice way it works out, nobody's harassing me, i mean come on, it's work not therapy. i mean they do try to make me feel beter with little things, and it makes me smile, they're a good group, well some.


at target tonight, to keep on that track, i got the worst feeling of pity party vibes since, well, pity party first formed. I spent the entire night wallowing on my own self pity..these feelings of inadequacy, pain, sorrow, regret, wrongfulness, they were back and with a vengance. it wascompletely terrible, i forgot how bad these things truly felt seeings i was with the one i love for over 2 years. All i can say, with an escape for words, is it just fucking sucked.....i need to go away, whether it be to my hole, or whatever...

as for now that's all i really got to say, i'm sure i'll be back with some stuff, i'm writing a bunch