I'm Retarded...
..is it the right thing though?

So do I put myself through pain and hate myself now..or do I do it later, but feel all those things plus good now?

Anyways, today was lame..I worked in the morning, had a section in bianco (large parties) and I really didn't make much money, not for the work I did and the time I put in..whatever....I will note that certain people need to be called out on things...and what happened at work reminded me of an event that happened a few months ago..cryptic....

alright, so it's just funny that MB comes into work all dolled up, actually taking time and effort into looking really attractive for work..something she hasn't done in awhile..something she did after she "broke up" with me..also with the gratuitous touching of everyone around her..but not me...whatever

SO I go home, watch some episodes of Friends, fall asleep..7-10..wake up, shower, and continue to watch Friends...Mindy calls me and invited me over for food...I was starving. I go over..we dine, finish season 4 with Ross's wedding..and then we start to go to bed...

we were talking about things, she was asking about my date, and I did something...something I don't know whether or not is the best..I hate myself for it but it's the right thing? we were talking about things, me giving the standard I am still in love with you, her with the I don't have feelings for anyone right now..and then there was a pause, she started to talk and I got up and left. I explained to her as to why I was leaving, nothing against her..but if she wants me to get over her I would have to not continue to do this...the "friendship" is over...she didn't know what to say, I told her there was nothing to say, just act like you don't care and let me be...

she walked me to the door and asked if I was going to be ok...if I would be ok in the car to drive, she didn't want me freaking out..she said I had that look in my eye...

I gave her a kiss on the cheek and left.

make it home, it's 3am and then I decide to sleep with Andrea.













"It's OK, I'll just hate myself in three minutes - Why? - Are you kidding?"